VivaVibe

This season of RHOBH is a bust. Let’s just all admit it. The only silver linings are the arrivals of Erika and Kathryn. Otherwise, I sorta wish we could just give up now and start fresh. To put it in RHOBH terms: This season is like one of Eileen’s janky bags.

So the latest episode opens with almost all the ladies, aside from Yolanda and Rinna, heading to SoulCycle for a charity event. Vanderpump is not excited about this because she apparently does not exercise. She gets quite enough cardio from adopting miniature ponies, thank you very much. She does not like the class, but the instructor sure as hell does. As Erika explains brilliantly, the SoulCycle teacher is “Liiiiiiiivvvvvviiiiing!”

After the spin class, the gals head for a light lunch of…Mexican food. Nothing like burritos after you’ve just spun for 45 minutes. But actually, the gals mostly just lunch on the same damn argument they’re been battling about for like 10 episodes. Once again, the whole Yolanda/Lisa Rinna tension is brought up. Yolanda pretends to not understand or be able to pronounce Munchausen for the hundredth time and claims that she and Rinna are fine. But Kyle and Lisa Vanderpump whisper about how they aren’t sure things are okay, and that’s when the Lady Who Loves Lemons gets upset. Yolanda announces that the first thing she taught her kids was not to whisper in a group of women…which seems like a really weird first lesson for children. Then, she tells Kyle she has a lot of things in her “vault” that she doesn’t bring up. Kyle takes that as a threat and starts getting real pissy, too. Finally, Vanderpump just gives up and walks out. Much like the SoulCycle class. Oh, and I forgot to mention that Kathryn showed us her muscles. It was an odd moment.

While the Mexican lunch from hell was happening, Lisa Rinna was off doing Jenny McCarthy’s Sirius radio show. The ladies have known each other for years as Jenny used to be a regular visitor to Rinna’s boutique in Sherman Oaks. It took about two minutes for the conversation to veer into dildo territory. Rinna very quickly admitted that she had once strapped one on. “I think a dildo is just a good thing,” she said. I believe Mark Twain once wrote that years ago.

Erika and Kathryn decide to have lunch the next day and do a little boxing with some super-hot trainers. I feel like Erika just arrives everywhere with hot dudes. It’s very admirable. She tells Kathryn that she never has been friends with a lot of women. But she was quite close with her grandmother who passed away. Kathryn says she’d like to be Erika’s new friend, which is sorta sweet…until you see Kathryn betray her in the following scene. But Kathryn does say she likes Lisa Vanderpump, which causes Erika to almost spit out her croissant. She tells Kathryn that she thinks Lisa is sly about her manipulations.

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So then it’s time for a dinner party at Lisa Vanderpump’s house. Eileen, Kyle, and Kathryn head over, but not Rinna or Yolanda or Erika because they all have plans, a.k.a. something better to do. Lisa shows the ladies her own little wine bar, which is in her backyard. And we get to meet her new puppy, Schnooky, who is awfully fluffy and cute. I do wonder what the political situation is there with all those animals. Like do the swans rule the roost? Are the tiny ponies in control? Does Schnooky get hazed? I would actually rather watch a reality series about these animals and Villa Rosa than another convo about Munchausen.

So Kyle is all fired up because Yolanda sent her an email and then CC’d all the other girls. She basically lectures Kyle on talking about her and bringing up all of this stuff and doubting her sickness. Kyle seems to be most upset that the other women were on it. All I could think about was what everyone’s email addresses are? Like, Eileen strikes me as a real AOL kinda gal. I bet her address is restlesseileen@aol.com or something like that. Kyle strikes me as someone that would have a family email address like kyle@richards.net. The rest are probably on Gmail.

And after all that talk about wanting to be her friend, Kathryn just tells Vanderpump that Erika doesn’t trust her and that she told Kathryn to not get caught in Lisa’s web. And Kathryn doesn’t even seem like she’s had any wine yet! Damn, gurl.

Eileen then gets real agro and once again goes after Vanderpump and accuses her of just sort of glossing over problems and sort of getting annoyed when Eileen confronts her. Lisa’s answer? To ignore her and worry about the tiny ponies who appeared to hit the Vanderpump wine cottage.

I was really hoping this monotony would be interrupted by a drunk tiny pony situation, but that did not happen.

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