VivaVibe

”Big Brother: All-Stars”: Evil vs. evil

So does this make Alison gonorrhea or the clap?

Eh…it doesn’t matter which ailment she represents in Marcellas’ odd litmus test (gonorrhea is the clap, right?); the houseguest most deserving of a venereal disease is gone, though I seriously doubt forever. CBS could always bring her back for an all-star Amazing Race, because God forbid this woman should actually get an frickin’ job. (It’s clear her new boyfriend, Jason, wanted us to know that she got herself a frickin’ doctor, because he made sure to wear his damn stethoscope around his neck. Gimme a break.) And spare me your claim, Alison, that you flirted less this time around because you’re older and in love. A girl doesn’t work her ass off and get in that kind of shape just to turn around and wear muumuus all day. I’m pretty sure I lost count after the 12th bikini Alison wore in the kitchen, the Jacuzzi, the backyard, the diary room, and Howie’s personal space each day.

”I’m the most vengeful bitch in the house!” Alison said in the diary room. Well, she was certainly the one with the biggest mouth — and leave it to the new and improved Chen 3000 to remind her of that very real fact! In what I can only hope will be a new chapter in the post-eviction Q&A’s, Chen threw some well-deserved hardballs at Alison by bringing up how she called Janelle ”fat, Busto, a bitch, a lying fat ass…” and oh so much more. Julie even asked Alison whether she’s her own worst enemy! Okay, okay, so it’s still closer to Larry King than to Dan Rather, but Chen was almost on top of her game last night — that is, until she flatfooted her way through the head-of-household competition and called Nakomis the winner when the victory clearly belonged to Kaysar. But I’m willing to give the Chen 3000 a break if she promises to keep up the hard line of questioning and still treat us to at least one ”but first” per night. (I, for one, got damn giddy when I heard it at the top of the hour.)

Back to the game. As happy as I am to see Danielle survive another day (she remains my long-term pick to win this baby), neither she nor Alison really should have been there in the first place. The faux-indignant Will was right a week ago when he said in the diary room how he should have been the first nominee. Janelle had a chance to use her golden veto on Tuesday to remove Danielle and put up Will, but she let her hatred of Alison cloud her better judgment. (Will even called it last night when he said how ”blondes hate blondes.”) Guys, the shrewdest player in BB history is already working you. Are you that blind or just fearful? We certainly know that Howie is smitten with Dr. Evil. (Who among us didn’t see that priceless video on the Internet of Howie flicking Will’s nipple early in the week?) But how to explain the early obliviousness of the Sixers? If newly installed HOH Kaysar is as smart as he is delicious to look at, he’ll set things straight and put up Boogie and Will (whose nose looks significantly less puffy than it did last week, though his skin is as pasty as ever).

As for early alliances, Marcellas, as I predicted, has already found a connection with Janelle, while James — as you all predicted — has managed to appear (at least to Alison) that he has an allegiance to no one. Danielle’s gotta find some new best friends (and not ones who wear rubber-chicken necklaces). Nakomis is an obvious ally, but those two make about as much sense together as a Jase-Holly showmance, so I can see Danielle working on Erika and Diane (BB‘s empty calories) for now. But I don’t think Danielle’s got anything to worry about in the short term. Kaysar doesn’t seem to be after her.

As for you, Chicken George, you’re lucky you can find your way to the head. Somebody throw him over the damn wall, for crying out loud.

So here are my questions, especially for you TiVo users out there. Right after Kaysar was announced the winner of the HOH competition, he was celebrating with his fellow Sixers while James could be seen pumping his right hand and yelling an expletive-laden phrase toward the top of the screen. Anyone catch what he said? Was he mouthing off about Julie’s blunder? I’d also like to know what video — however brief — the houseguests were watching on the monitor after the eviction before the screen went to flames.

And finally, how many of you were as bugged as much as I was that Alison was allowed to get in a final dig at Janelle during the HOH competition by saying she was the most likely houseguest to gain weight in the house? Witch! Loser! I’ll be sure to bring that up this morning when I interview her for EW.com. Watch this space for the thrilling Q&A. As Howie would say, it’s gonna be H-O-T-T.

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